Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Sports Guy Has Spoken

So, it's (ESPN.com's) the Sports Guy vs. Jazz Nation, huh?

After the Sports Guy ripped apart any possible comparisons for Deron Williams to Chris Paul, he made even more predictions for the NBA season and went after Jazz fans in the process. While I personally think the Sports Guy is hilarious and enjoy reading his articles, his predictions and comparisons couldn't be further from the mark. Hornets and Cavs in the Finals? Really? Here are some tidbits from his Top 20 Predictions for the 2008-09 NBA season:

The First Prediction of Trade...A Big Trade:

"6. Wally Szczerbiak's Expiring Contract will become America's favorite new phrase.
Move over Theo Ratliff, there's a new sheriff in town! Expect Wally's contract to be thrown into more than 15 million fake trade scenarios over the next four months, and with reason: The Cavs are desperate. The LeBron Clock is ticking. I threw out the Michael Reed/Dan Gadzuric for Wally/Sasha Pavlovic possibility in Friday's column. How big of a gamble will Cleveland take? Would the Cavs roll the dice with Vince Carter or Andrei Kirilenko? Would they be desperate enough to trade Wally's contract and Eric Snow's expiring deal to Denver for the unseemly Allen Iverson/Kenyon Martin contracts and save Denver from Luxury Tax Hell? I just know that Wally is about to become the mint to the ESPN Trade Checker's mojito. We should even give him his own link: "Make your own Wally Szczerbiak trade!!!!!"
(My prediction if the Redd trade doesn't happen: Wally, $3 million and a future No. 1 to Utah for Kirilenko, a move that clears enough cap space for Utah to pay Carlos Boozer and Paul Millsap next summer and, more importantly, gives the Jazz an unparalleled Clean-cut White Guy Trifecta of Matt Harpring, Kyle Korver and Wally. Can't you see those guys riding a ski lift together or crashing a raging Sundance party? I'm excited already.)"

Jazz Fans & the Sports Guy Fueding (on top of his lackluster attempt at dissing the Beehive State and its Liquor Laws):

"I. My brewing feud with Jazz fans. Because I keep dismissing the Chris Paul-Deron Williams "rivalry" and wrote last week that Paul was the Pearl Jam to Williams' Stone Temple Pilots, that earned me a steady stream of hate mail from Utah and an extended rip in something called the Deseret News. Look, people of Utah -- you ruined the 2002 Olympics because nobody could buy a stiff drunk or a beer that had a real level of alcohol, and I think "Last Call" was 8:30 at night. As my friend Jacoby jokes, "Each brewery around the world has to brew and bottle special low alcohol beer solely because Utah hates fun." It's true. The only reason we still put up with you is the skiing. I'd keep it down. "

And the Sports Guy's Ultimate Season Predictions:

"20. We will see LeBron win the Finals MVP as well.
My pick: Cleveland over New Orleans in the 2009 Finals. You will remember it as the first LeBron/CP3 Finals some day, a seminal moment in the league's history, the season when a new generation of stars symbolically moved the previous regime out of the way. The NBA ... where rejuvenation happens.

Boston over Chicago
Cleveland over Toronto
Orlando over Philly
Detroit over Miami
Lakers over Phoenix
New Orleans over Portland
Utah over Dallas
San Antonio over Houston
Boston over Detroit
Cleveland over Orlando
San Antonio over Lakers
New Orleans over Utah
Cleveland over Boston
New Orleans over San Antonio
Cleveland over New Orleans"

Hey Sports Guy, at least we're giving you "pub" on our site! My prediction: Sports Guy loses his ESPN.com job as a result of lousy effort predicting the 2008-09 season. Enjoy living the good life!


Pasty Gangsta said...

I would love to play NO in the second round. The Williams-Paul matchup has always worked in our favor and they don't have the interior presence LA is going to have this year.

As for Sports Guy's other ridiculousness, I can only assume he's making extreme statements to bolster readership a la the National Enquirer. No way we're trading AK for Wally World and, having gone to the Olympics, I can tell you that last call was a respectable 12:30 or 1 am at least.

Orlando said...

The Olympics stuff is weird. He obviously didn't come to Salt Lake because it was awesome partying with the Slovakian bobsledders.

Also, everyone is making too much of the Cavs. I regret not resigning Mo Williams as much as the next guy, but the Cavs still start Delonte West, Ilgauskus, and Ben Wallace. That's awful.

Tucker McCann said...

Although, you have to admit, Wally, Korver, and Harpring on the court at the same time would be pretty funny.