Thursday, May 1, 2008

Andrei Kirilenko - Uberdork

Everyone who reads this blog knows Kirilenko is my boy. But something has happened to him in the past two years. He has gone from a fearsome Ivan-Dragoesque All-Star, averaging over 3 blocks and 16 points per game to a nice role player with a bloated contract. Well, I think I've figured out what that something is.

The internet.

When Kirilenko came into the league he looked like that scrawny dork you knew in high school who loved World of Warcraft, fantasy novels, expensive watches, non-alchoholic cocktails, and animals that combined speed and grace. Then, out of nowhere, that high school loser started putting up 5x5s on the league, and denying Kobe and Wade at the buzzer, and everyone in the NBA thought he was a vodka-fueled badass with radical left-leaning social beliefs.

But, thanks to Kirilenko's love of the world wide net, he has exposed himself for what he really is: a dork who loves World of Warcraft, fantasy novels, expensive watches, non-alcoholic cocktails, and animals that combine speed and grace. From his blog:

He loves ligers: "I adore dogs and horses. But my favorite animals are from the cat breed, but not cats. These are panthers, lions, tigers, pumas, jaguars, leopards… these animals combine strength, power, speed and grace."

No man, not grace. Say something like ferocity or virility, not grace.

Who's up for some simcity: "I can play [video games] a lot and for a long time. It even happens that I forget about sleep and food. Sometimes I even set an alarm clock to remind me to stop. My favorite games: Diablo, various simulators of city and park constructions and strategy. For example, Age of Empire, Warcraft, Starcraft, Heroes of Might and Magic."

Oh, Andrei, don't admit that. Even Luke Jackson makes fun of those games.

His drink of choice: "As for drinks, I prefer milk, milkshakes and non-alcoholic cocktails."

Hell no, Andrei! Hell no! No milkshakes! No damn milkshakes!! You are f*&^ing Russian!!!


Pasty Gangsta said...

Are you sure you didn't confuse AK's blog with Bill Gates's? I don't think anyone in the NBA is actually that dorky.

Baltay said...

He does, however, get to F, once a year, out of wedlock...